sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
