your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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