Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
