youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
