just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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