Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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