Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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