u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
