Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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