sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
