my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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