In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
