I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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