I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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