When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
