Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
