So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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