i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
