you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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