I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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