don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
