I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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