i just google imaged poop.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
