Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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