i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
