4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
