Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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