I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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