It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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