took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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