I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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