Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
