shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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