Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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