Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
