i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
