he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
