I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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