90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
