i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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