you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
