I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize