his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
