Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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