Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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