my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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