Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
