im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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