Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
