i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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