Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
