i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
