i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
