sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
