I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
