just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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