Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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