he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
