Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
