I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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