I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
