so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
