All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
