I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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