she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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