i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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