Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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