There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
