i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
