seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
