Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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