Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
