you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
