I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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