Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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