I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
