Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
