He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
